Your (Facebook) Personality

Pop-quiz hotshot: a friend wants to set you up with her friend and all you have is some vague information and access to her/his Facebook profile, what do you do? (There are no hostages to shoot) The greater questions I would like to address is what can one learn about another individual based on his/her FB profile and whether this information is of any significance.

This is not a simple topic. I am truly fascinated by what Facebook has become and how it has revolutionized the way we interact with one another. Never before could one have access to a wealth of detailed information about thousands of individuals at the click of a button.

It’s a scary thought. Some are more sensitive to this than others. There are those whose profile will contain little information aside from a single picture (if that) and will only allow access to their FB friends. On the opposite end of the spectrum, there are those who have 2 pages worth of information on their page, hundreds of pictures (in the most private of circumstances), personal conversations on their walls, and links to their blog. This individual may very well grant access to their “personal” life to the entire New York City network

So this question cannot be given a simple answer as people treat their Facebook identity differently. But even this itself is telling. The latter individual is most probably more of an exhibitionist person, while the former is likely more private. But it is clear that the more information there is to work with the more insight one can have into someone’s personality.

In order to determine the value of information on Facebook profiles as clues to a person’s personality, we first must analyze how we learn about others’ personality in general. In a Personality class we learned of 4 types of information that one can utilize in order to gain an understanding of an individual: Self report data, informant data, behavioral data, and laboratory data. (Laboratory data is not relevant to this discussion, as no one is conducting experiments to learn information about a person in his/her social strata.)

Informant data is when we learn about a person from a third party. As I am sure we have all experienced this can be grossly inaccurate. I was once warned against rooming with a particular individual for a list of reasons. As it turned out, this person became one of my favorite roommates of all time (not referring to capital punisher. He is awful.) So informant data is largely subject to biases of the informant.

Self-report data is a person describing himself. Once again this is also subject to the person’s biases to view himself in the most positive light. Most of us consider ourselves to be honest people, but amongst us there will certainly be a bell curve of honesty. So the information can also be vague. As Dungeon Dweller pointed out, “everyone is a nice person.”

Behavioral Data, I believe is the most accurate way to understand a person. A person is not what someone else says he is, not even what he himself says he is, but rather he is what he does. Actions speak louder than words. A person you observe consistently being nice and honest is, in all probability, worthy of the descriptions “nice” and “honest”. And these terms in your mind won’t be vague, but will be qualified with the examples witnessed.

But behavioral data is not only a person’s deeds but also anything she does. A sample of an individual’s writing is behavioral data. The food he eats, the clothing she wears, people he befriends, even her scent is all behavioral data that may or may not be valuable information for “judging” another individual. (Please don’t take this out of context – I do not mean judging in the pejorative sense. Judging is the method through which we understand the world we live in.)

A Facebook profile contains some self data (primarily the ‘about me’ section), but most importantly a mother load of behavioral data. This can be found almost everywhere on the page. Here are the top 3 sources

#1 Pictures. A person who has 600 pictures, 90% of which are of him smashed at a bar making out with a different girl in each series is most probably quite different than the guy who has 100 pictures of himself at mock trial. Pictures and albums are like a pictorial history of the person’s last couple of years. (For those of you who have used Facebook for years and have accumulated a bunch of pictures, see if you can notice any aging from the first to the last. wild.)

#2 Info. Each of the personal information items is a great resource of information about an individual. I truly believe you can really get a good understanding of a person based on their favorite movies, music, books, and quotations.

Try looking at this backwards. Look at the profile of a friend you know well, look at how they responded to these fields, and you will most often find it making perfect sense given the personality of the person. (You may argue that this is hindsight bias, i.e. you are morphing these items into your understanding of the individual to confirm to yourself that you in fact know him. But my experience has convinced me otherwise.)

To a great extent we are what we love (actually a quote on my FB page.) So these items that express the things we love are a large part of who we are. Personally, I know my identity is inseparable to my music.

#3 Wall posts. Reading what people write on another’s wall is very telling. Some profile walls are speckled with posts of great adoration. “I miss you so much, when are we gonna hang out.” Wall-to-wall, when available, allows you to see how the person interacts with his friends, how he writes. What type of comments he makes on his friends’ photos, are they nice? Are they enlightening? These, I believe reveal much about a person.

Just a few caveats before I conclude:

I once told someone about this thought and she seemed pretty disgusted. “Uch,” she said, “you analyze people’s FB profiles!?” She made me feel like some stalker or pervert. Another, more rational friend told me, “sure, everyone stalks on FB.” I was uncomfortable with the word “stalk”, but she was at least honest with herself to understand that it is not repugnant to view another’s profile. Facebook, as described by some sociologist, caters to man’s desire to be exhibitionist and voyeuristic. This may explain why it is one of the most visited websites on the internet.

Also, it is impossible to truly know someone. All information about a person is only clues. Some of these clues are more superficial than others. But the human being is an infinitely complex entity that no one can truly grasp, regardless of the quantity or quality of information available to you.

Concerning Scientific Endeavors in the House

The kitchen really isn't the best place for scientific experimentation. That said, the research being done there in the field of mold and fungus over the past month should cease immediately. Whoever holds the responsibility of cleaning the crock-pot please do so. Thanks.

with strong emotions of kindness and goodwill,

dale

Shadchan Lingo

Check out all my new shidduch posts at: ConfessionsOfAShidduchDater.blogspot.com)

"I have someone for you!"- I remember feeling elated in my early YU days after hearing those 5 magical words. That short phrase used to make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I felt that someone had finally found my bashert, and we would soon build a bayis ne’eman b’yisroel together. As time went on, those beautiful feelings vanished and I became more skeptical after hearing those words. I began to understand the real meaning of various phrases used by shadchanim when trying to convince me to take out a particular meidel. I'm sure any guy or girl that has been in the "parsha” (dating scene) for at least a couple of months can decipher the following popular phraseology. If you have yet to decode the “shadchan lingo”, and constantly find yourself being set up with “not shayich” individuals, allow me to enlighten you so you don’t get fooled again!

1) “I have someone for you” – An accurate translation for this phrase is very often “I have a friend that I’m looking to set up. You’re a guy, she’s a girl…so I figured why not?” Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure there are people that actually think about the compatibility of two individuals before they decide to make a suggestion, however, I have found that there are plenty of people out there who just want to get their friends married and they think you might be willing to take one for the team! Beware!

2) “She is very nice” – Amongst many buchrim, this phrase has become synonymous with saying “she is very ugly!” Saying someone is nice doesn’t mean anything other than the shaddchan doesn’t know much about the girl. If the meidel is a kind-hearted individual they will describe her middot and different chesed projects that she is involved in. If they wanted to describe her as being a caring person than they will describe her as “caring” or “sweet.” Anybody and everybody can be described as “nice.” Next time someone describes a meidel as being “nice”, follow up by asking the shadchan to elaborate on what activities she is involved in that makes her any nicer than the Michlala girl you went out with last week.

3) “Well, I think she is attractive” – This line is a response to the very legitimate question of “Is she good looking?” Despite what some people tell you about “beauty being on the inside”, “her looks will grow on you” and other such nonsense, there must be an element of attraction between the guy and girl or else there is really nothing to talk about. When a shadchan answers such an imperative question by telling you what she thinks …have no doubts, she is NOT a looker!

4) “He is involved in business” – This is commonly said to girls about guys. When a friend of mine from Stern told me that this is how some shadchans describe a guy’s profession, it is clear that there are only two possibilities on what the buchur does for a living: 1) Something illegal 2) Nothing. It’s usually the latter. Most employed people can describe in a word or two there line of work (example: Doctor, physical therapist, rabbi, financier, body builder, shepherd, yoga instructor, developer, underwear model, kollelnic, etc.). Being “involved in business” generally means “being involved in the business of doing nothing.” Ladies, unless you are looking to be involved the next major Ponzi scheme or want to spend the rest of your life supporting your husband, I would hold out for something better!

5) “He/She is very modern” – Before I started dating I used to associate the word “modern” with advancements in technology. A hybrid car would come to mind or maybe a slick new iPod. However, once I began immersing myself into this bizarre shidduch world the word “modern” has developed a whole new meaning. When asked to describe someone’s religious level I would occasionally hear “Oh, she is modern.” I was befuddled by such a description of someone’s level of religious observance, but overtime I began to notice that modern=less observant. Here is a measurement of religious level based on the usage of the word “modern”:

“Modern” = Girl wears pants; guy wears jeans and goes to the movies

“Very Modern” = Pants, movies jeans, no minyan, keeps kosher when convenient, definitely not shomer negiah.

“Very Very Modern” = Attends shul on Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur. May have some matzah on Pesach.The end.

Conversely, you would think that someone who is very observant would be described as “old fashion” or “Amish”, but I have yet to hear that terminology, which leads me to question the usage of the word.

6) “She /he was valedictorian in high school” –I don’t even know who the valedictorian was of my high school class! Nor do I know the valedictorian of my college class, which was more recent! Why on Earth would I care if someone excelled in their AP classes in high school? Some people don’t stop there, and they go on to describe how they were the starting point guard on the basketball team, and was captain of the chess team for their junior and senior years. WHO THE HECK CARES!?!? Did this individual do nothing worth mentioning since high school that is slightly more important than a high SAT score or having a good game against Ramaz in the playoffs? Here is some advice: Unless we are having a pickup basketball game or some type of academic decathlon, why the heck do I care about someone’s grades and extracurricular activities prior to college? It only leads me to speculate that this person reached their maximum capabilities at the tender age of 18!

7) "He's a healthy Build" – I almost burst out laughing when a girl told me that some shadchans describe a guys like this. Let me be perfectly frank about this comment. This guy is not healthy! Neither is his “build!”He spends way too much time eating at KD! Other phrases that are poor attempts to hide a buchurs weight include: "Well he isn’t a stick” (no, he is far from it!) and “he has some meat on him" (He’s a fattie!). Unless you are one of the few and rare meidels who just came back from Israel and is totally focused on ruchneeus and doesn’t care at all about gashmeeus, this should be a red flag!

To conclude: During your shidduch dating years plenty of people are going to try setting you up by pushing their own agenda. They will try to set you up with their good friend who can’t get a date, their spouse’s close friend who has been complaining about how she is 23 and still not married or someone else that they classify as being nebby that they are trying to marry off. It’s of the utmost important that you stand up to these people who try to pin you with their not shayich friends by using their deceiving “shadchan lingo.” Meidels: Stand up and let the shadchanim know that you aren’t interested in guys with “healthy builds! Make it clear that you want a clear description of what type of business a buchur is “involved in” before you decide to spend an evening with him! Buchrim: Make it clear that “very nice” girls aren’t your cup of tea and if you inquire how a meidel looks, you want a picture! Not the opinion of some shadchan you never met! Stand up for yourselves and do it now! If you wait too long you may very well end up with a very nice, modern, high school valedictorian, with a healthy build, who plans on being involved in business that some shady shadchan that you never met finds attractive!

Building the “Ultimate Shidduch Resume”

Check out all my new shidduch posts at: ConfessionsOfAShidduchDater.blogspot.com)

I was sitting in my cubicle one morning, hard at work, and I received an e-mail from my good friend Usher. Typically our e-mails are reserved for business use only, but today the e-mail contained just one cryptic line saying: "Jon, I think I'm going to take out the resume girl." After asking Usher what in the world he was talking about he proceeded to explain to me that he received an e-mail from a shadchan about a girl he should take out and attached was a copy of her "shidduch resume." Intrigued, I told him to send me this "shidduch resume." Until that point the only resume I have ever heard of was a resume used to obtain a job so this whole concept was quite foreign to me. As I skimmed through her resume there were two things that I noticed: 1) Her mother obviously wrote it for her 2) This girl has spent every minute of her life since high school, working towards finding her bashert. She went to all the right schools, camps and had all the right hobbies that will allow her to find a shtark buchur. Then it dawned on me, if I had to put together a shidduch resume it would be far from ideal. So I began to ponder...if an individual has the foresight after high school (apparently everything that takes place before Israel doesn't really matter), what would be the ideal steps to take in order to build "The Ultimate Shidduch Resume."

Israel: The essential first step for building the Ultimate Shidduch Resume is to pick the right Yeshiva or Seminary. A common misconception is to pick the Yeshiva or Seminary that "is right for you." But in reality everyone knows the key is to pick the one that makes you the most marketable for shidduch purposes! For the girls these seem to be: Michlala, MMY, and Shalavim. For the buchrim: KBY, Shalavim, and Gush. OJ is an interesting choice because sometimes it sounds good, and sometimes people just assume that you were a crack head. It's all about how you play your cards. Naturally, shana bet is a MUST for all guys!

College: This is a great time for people to get back to their old high school ways or to take everything they've learned over the past 2 years and "chuck it" and go completely off the derech. That being said, it is imperative to pick the right college so it won't lead anyone to make non-shtark assumptions! For the girls there seem to be only 3 "shtark" choices: Stern, Barnard, and Touro (in that order). For the buchrim: Landers, YU, and possibly Penn. Over the past few years, Landers has come out of nowhere to dethrone YU as the shtark college of choice. Maybe it's because you can get a degree in a year and half without showing up to class, or maybe it's because the Rabbi's at YU are "too modern." Either way, Yasher Koach to Landers! I've seen some Yeshivaish guys at Penn. That's a risky choice, and a major opportunity to be labeled "modern." Be careful!

Majors/Acceptable professions: Let's call a spade a spade; there are very few "shayich" majors or professions for Jews! If you pick something that doesn't sound familiar or is not the norm, you are leaving yourself wide open to criticism such as "he doesn't know what he wants to do" or various other condescending comments. Girls must major in a therapy (physical, speech, etc.) or education! Apparently those are the most desirable fields for a good bas yisroel. Guys have several options: Smicha/Learning (hottest field right now), Pre-med, Pre-law, Accounting. Smicha has recently surpassed pre-med as the most desirable field to pursue. It used to be that a mother wanted to tell all her friends that her son was a doctor. Now to say that he "learns" full time seems to be the most appealing field for the shidduch resume.

Summer Plans: Another great time to go off the derech, or to indulge in your tyvas! There are very few muttur options during the summer and an internship is NOT one of them! The two options are the same for both meidels and buchrim. They are: 1) Work at HASC 2) Kollel. Beware! There are some kollels that are not muttur (i.e. Lavi Kollel = too modern). HASC is a great option because you kill 3 birds with one stone. You are doing chesed work, you have ample opportunity to interact with likeminded eligible individuals of the opposite gender, AND you get a HASC sweatshirt...which leads me to my next point....

Appropriate Attire: This is so important because it helps people filter out the quality singles from the low quality singles. Let me explain: It's important to wear the right clothing so you can be spotted from the distance as being of "high quality." The way for a buchur/meidel too differentiate between high quality and low quality is by their attire (not by having a conversation with them...that's very old school). Everyone knows that HASC counselors are in high demand, as are smicha students, and Michlala girls. Is there a better way to let people know that you’ve worked at HASC, are in smicha, or went to Michlala than by wearing your HASC sweatshirt EVERYWHERE (i.e. seforim sale, shuttle stop, on the shuttle, stern shababtons, yachad shabbatons, YU library, Chanukah concert, Purim chagigah, Yom haa'atzmaut, etc.). Other acceptable attire includes black pants and white shirt for guys. For the girls, make sure as little skin as possible is showing, and of course black and white are the only muttur colors!

Hobbies: An observation I've made is that hobbies are not so "frum" (movies = assur, traveling = might see pritzus, skiing = issur dorisa and not tznius, etc.). However, there are several activities that one can do for "fun" that can pass for hobbies. These activities include: Working at HASC, working at the seforim sale, organizing yachad shabbatons, shidduch dating, attending shiurim, and going to your friend’s engagement parties/weddings. However, you must be very careful! If you have too much fun, or are involved in an activity that seems too exciting, you might get the label of being "too modern."

As for me, my shidduch resume is a disaster! I was in the Rosh Yeshiva's shiur, but I went to Reishit ("too modern", "building is too nice"), I went to YU, but I was in the Stone Beis Medresh Program and not the Maazer Yeshiva Program ("not a serious learner"). I majored and now work in Finance ("Guess he wasn't cut out for medicine or law school"). My summers consisted of me having finance internships too build my professional resume (I should have been working on my shidduch resume). My attire usually consists of khaki pants and a button down shirt, unless I'm at work where I need to wear a suit, and on Sunday I occasionally wear jeans ("too modern"). And my hobbies consist of me going out to eat with friends (should be in the beis medresh!), going to movies ("too modern"), going skiing (“not tznius”), and going traveling ("I might see pritzus"). I'm happy to say that I do go to friends engagement parties/weddings, I attend shiurium, and I once worked at the SOY seforim sale (I kind of shot myself in the foot when I was quoted in the YU commentator as saying that I worked at the seforim sale "...to meet cute Michlala girls."). Through every step of my post Israel life I have continued to shoot myself in the foot and further destroy my already awful shidduch resume to the point where not a single Michlala, MMY, or Sha'alavim girl would ever consider dating me...I guess it’s good thing I'm into Harovah girls!!!!

Greetings from Jackalope Country

For those of you wondering, Jackalope Country is Wyoming. For those of you wondering what a jackalope is, it’s basically a cross between a jackrabbit and an antelope. For more info look here.

After two days here we have yet to see a jackalope, but we remain vigilant.

For those of you interested I’ll walk you through our trip so far. For those of you not interested in hearing about my trip I recommend you check this out instead. The four of us, Dungeon Dweller, werd, Yoni Raab, and myself, landed on Sunday at the smallest airport I have ever been to. It was pretty much a house with a long drive way. A really long driveway. Really really long.

We took a long awkward van ride to our condo with a man who looked like a Keith. By looked like a Keith I mean he had a mullet, and wore a trucker hat. Thankfully Keith informed us that he had yet to have sex in the van for which he figured he could charge a dollar a minute. I told him I didn’t think I could help, but it sounded like a great way to make three bucks.

Anyway we arrived at the condo at around two o’clock here and were immediately blown away. Our condo, part of the huckleberry development itself a smaller part of the berry patch developments, is absurd. Two floors, two bedrooms, a dining area, a living room, a full kitchen, a sitting room and two full bathrooms. Also a fireplace and a terrace, which I recommend you don’t confuse. The view from the fireplace is sub-par at best.

Dungeon Dweller, werd and I tackled the mountain together today and to be brief we were really impressed. We were lucky enough to arrive right after a major snowfall so we had some very enticing fresh powder to carve through, which was pretty amazing. Unfortunately, we only got the opportunity to take the tram to the top once because it got too windy so they had to shut it down. To help you understand what I mean by “too windy” note that when we went up winds were gusting at 68 mph. This was an acceptable amount of windiness. “Too windy” is windier than that. Regardless our day was awesome, if a bit tiring.

Raab took a lesson today because he had never snowboarded before and by all accounts it went well. You’re probably wondering why I am talking about Raab when he doesn’t live in the townhouse. Simple. He knocked Brad Pitt on his ass this afternoon. Take a second. Maybe read that sentence again, I’ll actually repeat it for your convenience. He knocked Brad Pitt on his ass this afternoon. How? You ask. Basically Raab was tightening his bindings on the floor and he "accidentally" tripped a slow moving (on a snowboard of course) Brad Pitt. Raab apologized and Brad said “no worries.” Exciting stuff.

Right now, we just got back from the hot tub (outdoor) and sauna and we’re lighting a fire – in the fireplace – so I’m gonna go relax with that.

with strong emotions of kindness and goodwill,

dale

Instant Replay This Instant!

Last Saturday's Ravens-Titans game provided another reminder of why baseball needs instant replay (all sports, but I care about baseball). On their final drive with the score tied, the Ravens let the play clock wind down to zero, where it stayed for about two seconds before Quarterback Joe Flacco finally took the snap and completed a [pretty large number]-yard pass for a first down. Ultimately it led to a long field goal--and win--that wouldn't have happened if the refs had done their job and thrown a penalty flag.

"But it's part of the game." Right. That's the problem, not a rationale for refusing to fix it. There is nothing good or romantic about umpires' blowing ball-strike calls, and if we can find a way to eliminate that from baseball, we must implement it. For those obsessed with keeping a "human element" in the game, there's plenty of that--from players. The difference is it's fair to penalize a team for the mistakes of its players. I include myself among those who think gaffes in general can enrich a sport's unfolding narrative and add intrigue to a game, but let's remember that sports history is chock full of such goats who provide this added dramatic component. Bill Buckner. Chris Weber. Fred Merkle and his enormous boner. Mickey Owen. Nick Anderson. Allowing refs/umps to contribute their malfeasances as well is too much of a [arguably] good thing.

"But if we implement corrective technology for ball-strike calls, where do we draw the line?" For the record, slippery slope arguments are never good. George Will: "Political life is lived on a slippery slope." Like, when does police power become authoritarianism. But not just in politics. Every decision that's ever been made, in any domain, was made on a "slope"; calling that slope slippery doesn't make the decision bad. Just because you can't pinpoint an exact cutoff point on some continuum of ideas doesn't mean that you can't be absolutely sure that a particular idea falls clearly on one side or the other of that theoretical cutoff point. "If courts allow men to marry other men, maybe some day courts will allow men to marry leaves." Maybe. If someone can eventually formulate a logical argument for why men should be allowed to marry leaves, kol hakavod, but let's worry about that then. (That's an example, not an endorsement.) In no arena other than umpiring do we consider arbitrariness desirable. C'mon people.

Review of Full House

In Full House: The Spread of Excellence from Plato to Darwin, Stephen Jay Gould debunks two popular myths. The first myth is that the extinction of .400 hitters in baseball (there hasn't been one since 1941) signifies a decline in overall hitting ability. The second myth is that a tendency toward progress is a natural, built-in feature of Evolution. At first, these two myths seem wholly unrelated, but Gould points out a common statistical fallacy as the reason for their popularity.

First baseball. We may have lost .400 hitters, but the real pattern is a shrinkage of variance, on both sides of the batting average spectrum, while mean batting average has remained a stable .260 throughout most of baseball's history. Over time, the sport has developed better training and better strategies (not to mention a better, because bigger, pool of potential players), and over time, these methods have spread to the masses; instead of only the very best taking advantage of them, even subpar players began to lift weights, or study pitchers' tendencies, or swing with an upward motion, or whatever. But since batting average is a relative stat, and since pitchers also have improved with time (new pitches, for example), mean batting average stayed the same. So a .260 average today is more impressive than .260 fifty years ago. Now, there is an upper limit to how good a human can be at hitting a baseball (a "right wall" of limitation if we were plotting different batting averages on a chart). As .260 becomes harder to achieve, it moves closer to the right wall, and there's less space between it and the limit of human ability. So .400 moves past the right wall to the realm of the superhuman, while .350, for example, nearly touches it, occupying basically the same space that .400 did in past generations.

Now Evolution. There is a "left wall" of minimal complexity for living things, where single-celled organisms reside, and where life began. From there, the only option was to move rightward toward greater complexity, giving us plants, fishes, humans, etc. But this only creates the illusion of progress as built in or automatic, when really it's random variation in the only direction available for natural selection to take it. Humans' relative dearth supports this, since bacteria are, and have always been, the modal form of life. If progress is built in to evolution, why do these simple microbes still predominate? This is really just intuitive, as he points out, since all adaptations are local, with no teleological trends guiding natural selection. For example, if elephants grow hair and eventually become woolly mammoths because their habitat got colder, they're only "better" than elephants for the here and now. If it gets hotter again, they'll lose their advantage. That's not overall progress, just local, temporary adaptation. If anything, there may be a natural trend toward lesser complexity, as many lineages evolve into parasites, anatomically simple but successful creatures. ("Evolution" seems to be a misnomer, and indeed Darwin preferred "descent with modification.")

Overall Gould explains things very clearly for lay people like me to understand, but the book gets very repetitive. It probably could be a third of the size (It's 225 pages). I think it would make a nice coffee-table book since you could open it up at random and read for a few minutes and gain something. I'll give it four stars out of, oh, I dunno, let's say six.

assets, six packs and much much more

For many years I have lived in a closed minded society. I was not allowed to explore "crazy" ideas or think outside the box (like actually if I was ever found outside the box i was beaten with a whip made out of metal wiring). That has all changed for me though, with one of the new members of 15 Washington Terrace; who will not be referred to by name.
To share a quick example: he eats cereal with a fork instead of a spoon. As weird as it sounds it seems to work, I watched eat a bowl today, and he makes a valid point that it saves on milk because you don't have to refill for each new addition of cereal (he had some other points but I will leave it to him to share).
But to get to my main point, we were watching tv earlier in the day, and a commercial came on for the total body fitness or something like that, which is pretty much a little plastic thing that attaches to your door and you can do many different exercises with it. After admiring the body of the guy in the commercial, and said roommate remarked that the guys six pack was even nicer than Dungeon Dwellers, we got to talking about shallowness. (Dale, I know this paragraph is not written grammatically and I know that it bothers you so I want to apologize)
Anyway, moving on. So we began talking about people who work out and how they get six packs that looked like this guy. And somehow we moved onto the idea of people being shallow and marrying for looks. And I realized that is the completely wrong reason for people to get married. I mean over time a person's body will inevitably change and then what? I just think that its important to realize that one day that guy might get pregnant (laugh all you want but it has already happened, just check People magazine) and his six pack will be gone and then what will be of your marraige? I'll tell you what will be of it, you will wake up one day and realize that it was a lie and that unless he is willing to get stomach implants put in you are going to leave and find someone else; or worse yet feel like you can't leave him so you just end up cheating. And these are situations we should all try to avoid.

Also, just figured I'd throw this out there, while having a conversation with one of our loyal fans the other day this is what was said, and I kid you not.
basement dweller: yea whenever i need entertainment i always look ont he blog
Awesome! right? Yeah I knew you'd agree

propaganda before peace

As long as there are both Jews and Arabs in the world, the chance of ever achieving peace in the Middle East is vanishingly small. Whatever chances do exist, though, are further diminished by propagandists like Salon.com's Gary Kamiya, who writes sentences like this: "[Hamas fights] using any means it can, including suicide bombers and crude homemade rockets that have killed two dozen [Israelis] in seven years."

Just about every word choice here betrays Kamiya's lack of objectivity. "Two dozen" sounds like less than 24, and the inference we are supposed to draw is that Israel's response was disproportionate to Hamas' measly hostilities. Unfortunately, he omits what he would consider the appropriate number of civillians killed before retaliation becomes ethical. Two dozen, though, is surely something that Israel could have turned the other cheeck about. He also neglects to mention the economic damage casued by these rocket attacks, the many residents forced to leave Sderot to seek safety elsewhere, and the psychological damage certain to befall Israeli children growing up in this area (You wouldn't know it if you get your news from certain media outlets, but "traumatized" is a word that can be applied to Israelis as well as Palestinians).

Calling the rockets crude and homemade is meant to call attention to Hamas' desperateness while highlighting the supposed ineffectiveness of their brand of warfare. Perhaps Qassam rockets are "crude" because they lack a built-in guidance system, making them extremely inaccurate. This precludes Hamas' targeting specific sites, and ensures random death and destruction, but on the bright side, Qassam rockets are conducive to quick and mass manufacture. So say this for Hamas: they've managed to eliminate collateral damage through the ingenious method of intending civillian death.

Saying Hamas uses "any means it can" is a similar ploy meant to highlight their desperateness. In this same article, Kamiya calls "fatuous" Obama's comment that if his house were being attacked with rockets, he would do everything he could to stop it. Maybe he defines "fatuous" as "tending to demonstrate the illogic of my column." He also calls Israel's approach "militarist," for example (I guess) evicting every Jew from Gaza, thereby leaving Hamas unencumbered to produce deadly, "militarist" rockets. Christopher Hitchens, no confederate of Israel's, captured Hamas' essence: "It knows very well that sanctions are injuring every Palestinian citizen, but—just like Saddam Hussein's regime in Iraq—it declines to cease the indiscriminate violence."

Random thoughts

Contrary to what many people might believe I actually love it in New York city. I don't know why I started with that sentence but it just seemed like a good way to get people's attention. What I really want to write about is owning horses and how cool they are; plus the many uses that they have.
Once upon a time I was reading a maxim magazine and inside it had an article about the new past time of really rich people. It was talking about how they train hawks to go hunting for them (though this kinda takes the fun out of hunting I can see the draw). At this point you are asking yourself "what the hell does this have to do with horses?" If you have some more patience I will get there.
I also have been a fan of horses since I was a little kid, I always enjoyed going horseback riding and I also thought it would be cool to own a ranch with tons of open acres to ride around on. Now I was thinking that it would be an amazing pass time to combine the two concepts. Horseback riding plus hunting with hawks.
Just picture this in your mind's eye: You are in the midwest (or anywhere with big open areas but I kinda like the idea of the midwest) and you have hundreds of acres of open land around you; every direction you look in you just see sprawling fields. Its a sunny day, a bright blue sky, with maybe a few puffy white clouds here and there. Then you come riding onto the scene on a big magestic horse, with a beautiful hawk on your shoulder. OK here is where it gets cool, you see something in the distance you aren't sure but you start riding closer to get a better look. As you are nearing your destination you realize its a colony of prarie dogs. You stop your horse, raise your arm and with a signal from your hand the hawk is off. A few minutes later it returns carrying a prarie dog in its talons.
Now your probably asking yourself "why is he writing about this?" and even if you don't care I'm going to tell you anyway. I was riding a horse the other day in PA and I was looking out over the mountains, taking in deep breaths of the fresh air and I felt like home. One thing lead to another and I was thinking thoughts that I haven't had in a while like living out west on a ranch with a horse and a hawk and I figured I'd share.

1000 words

Since Dungeon Dweller's touching post on his Stern rejections, I must say I have been quite troubled.

I have given the issue a significant ammount of thought and I realized that Mr. Dweller must be getting rejected simply because he is overwhelmingly humble. On the outside, he seems like just a regular guy - in reality - he is a star.

Many of you Sternies out there might not know it, but DD volunteers at a soup kitchen 3 nights a week (after night seder and maariv of course).

He also is very open minded and cosmopolitan.

He is a successful and driven individual - he even started his own business in the film industry.

But what is most special about DD, what renders him head and shoulders above competing buchrim, is his physique. Instead of simply describing this spectacle of a man to you, I will show you a picture I dug up from the 15 Washterrace archives.



DD would never approve of my flaunting of his qualities, but for Shidduch purposes, I think it appropriate.

If you or someone you know would like to schedule a date with this man, please call, toll free: 1-800-Dweller.

Ask for,

Jarowl

A Moment

Okay so I hate to be that guy who puts up a downer post on an otherwise hilarious and informative blog, but as we enter day 10 of the war in Gaza, I feel like it would be remiss not to take a moment to mention what is going on in Israel. We all know that Israel is currently at war with Gaza and is in middle of a dangerous ground incursion. Israel has finally had enough of the Palestinians shooting rockets into southern Israel with no retribution. Israel has finally gained some support from other countries with the EU backing them wholeheartedly. Since the war started, Hamas has fired over 500 rockets into Israel. "Due to the continuing attacks, schools, kindergartens and other educational institutions within a 40-kilometer range from Gaza remained closed Monday. Cities within that range include Beersheba, Ashdod, Kiryat Gat, Yavne, Gan Yavne, Gedera, Netivot, Ashkelon, Kiryat Malachi and Sderot." (J-Post) One soldier has been killed and 33 others have been wounded.
If anyone would like to watch a Gaza supporter get ripped on by a Foxnews anchor on T.V go to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CXQkOgOvMSs. Trying to lighten the mood a little. Again, sorry to be a downer.
werd

going green--with envy, that is

Preface: I was hesitant to post this so soon after Shanko's classic rant about the shidduch crisis, since it would push it further down the blog toward "older posts" oblivion, but I felt it had to be said anyway.

There are few things in life that are certain. Death. Taxes. Death taxes. Tax deathes. Shenkman getting rejected. The sun rising and setting. To this short list we may add: Humans' tendency to envy. What do Alex Rodriguez, Kobe Bryant, Barry Bonds, Bill Gates, and Tom Brady have in common? All were considered at some point in their lives the best at what they do, and all were reviled by much of America, ostensibly for being "arrogant" or "greedy" or "selfish" or some other pretext for hatred. But let's face it: People envied their success. The Old Testament anticipated this natural human condition when it warned "You shall not covet your wife's ass" (Genocide 69:42). But like so many other unrealistic Torah commandments, this one has been ignored from day one. I have especial knowledge of this since recently i fell victim to one man's ugly manifestation of envy. As part of the fastest-growing blog in America (source: dan rather), i expected to receive some comments aimed superficially at the blog's content but really with no deeper purpose than to deprecate a highly successful and informative blog. but like so many villains before him, joeyisanidiot (or "idiot" for short) will not prevail, for in times of adversity, another natural human tendency surfaces: unity. the girls over at yugst have offered their support and i say: we accept! for a three-stranded rope is not easily broken but a single rope tears essily (Days of our lives 14:35). tangent: i tried to comment but ya'll dont allow outsiders to comment. u should enable that if u wanna grow to ur full potential. people like inter[racial]action as opposed to just reading others' musings. anyway, for the time being we should stand together as one, and then the day the joeyisanidiot commented will be remembered not as a sorry blip on our road to stardom and self-fullfillment, but as the day that unity overcame envy.

10 Reasons why Stern girls won't date me (and my analysis)!

(Check out all my new shidduch posts at: ConfessionsOfAShidduchDater.blogspot.com)

As any honest single Jew can tell you, the shidduch scene today is nothing less than absurd! Whether it's the silly questions during the initial screening process, the abnormal interaction between guys and girls, or the analysis of every single detail of a date. All of these areas can be discussed and critiqued at great length do to their absurdity; however, the area I'd like to focus on is the excuses I've been given as to why various Stern girls won't go out with me. Keep in minded that I've been rejected by quite a few Sternies, so I'd just like to pick my ten favorite/most frequently heard rejections:

1) "She hasn't started dating yet" - What the heck does this even mean?!?!? When girls come back from seminary do they have a letter from their rabbi of an exact date when they can declare themselves eligible to date? And since when did a single date become such a big deal? We aren't chassidish! I have no intention of proposing after the second date. In fact, there is a good chance that the only thing that the meidel will talk about is the summers she spent working at HASC, which will put me to sleep and there won't even be a second date! Give it a go! Declare yourself eligible…it’s only a date!

2) "She wants to make Aliyah" - That's cool! Maybe I do too! Maybe I want to move to LA. Maybe I want to move to Brunei or perhaps move to Africa and join the Dinka tribe. But that is something that can be discussed over a first date. One should look to marry a person, not a piece of land! Granted Israel is an important piece of land, but believe it or not the Torah is portable and one can build a home with Torah values anywhere in the world, just like Jews have been doing for centuries. The most important thing is who you build your life with, not where!

3) "You wear jeans" - Yes I do. Some Sundays if I have nothing too important planned, I get a little rebellious and break out my jeans! Ohhhhhhh God! Not jeans! NOT FREAKIN JEANS! HE'S A SHAYGITZ! WHAT'S NEXT, YOU GANNA START HAVING ILLICIT RELATIONS ON YOM KIPPUR IN FRONT OF THE ARON KODESH WHILE EATING A CHEESE BURGER? C'mon. Jeans are tznius. I apologize, but the penguin look (black and white), just doesn't do it for me!

4) An irrelevant 3rd party just "doesn't see it" – This excuse is the #1 cause of the shidduch crisis! You want to be set up with a certain individual and you ask someone who you thought was your friend to mention it to the person and they reply "Yeah...I don't see it!" Of course you don't see it! I know you’re not a prophet! I would never impose on you to predict the future! That's why I asked you to mention it to the person that I want to take out, not to make a prediction of if we will be married! If someone asks you to set them up with someone, mention it to the person and let them make the decision!

5) "I'm in the middle of something" (i.e. went on 1 date with someone else) - Let's clarify something! Going on one date with someone isn't being in the middle of something! Going out for a couple months is "in the middle!" Going on one date barley qualifies as "the beginning" because nothing of substance has even started yet! And for the record, it is completely muttur to go on a first date with multiple people at the same time...just ask your parents or anyone from the previous generation!

6) "She's actually applying to medical school now" - So? That's like me saying "Yeah, I'd love to go out today, but I'm actually planning on filling up on gas....kinda takes a lot out of me!" Obviously, I am not equating the difficulty level of applying to medical school to filling up on gas (unless you are from NJ like myself, and don't know how to pump your own gas), but come on! If you were taking the MCATs in a week than that's a different ball game. Applying to medical school shouldn't consume your whole life! If it does consume your entire existence, than I feel bad for you, your family, your future husband, and may God have mercy on your soul...

7) "I want someone that learns X-teen hours a day" - No you don't! Who do you think you're fooling? Let me tell you what you, and all Stern girls want: You want to live in a suburb of NYC (i.e. Teaneck), you want to go to Israel for succos, Arizona for Pesach, to send your kids to a modern orthodox yeshiva, modern orthodox camps, and you want to have tons of shiny jewelry! Unless you have someone sponsoring your marriage (i.e. your parents or in-laws) and your husband is a kollelnic with zero responsibilities, than try to be more realistic. If you find a buchur who makes a legitimate effort to go to minyan 3x a day and schedules in time to learn daily, in addition to having a steady income, than you have found yourself a quality buchur and you should be quite satisfied! [For the meidels who have just returned Israel: Save this and read it again in a year when you get more in tune with reality! Right now you're probably just assuming that I'm off the derech and practice avoda zarah.]

8) "I don't date guys that go to the movies" - I rarely watch TV, and only go to movies on occasion. But if your judgmental enough to not go on a date with someone because you found out that they have attended or plan on attending the occasional film, and not look at a single other aspect of their personality, than you aren't mature enough to be dating and I’m sorry that I spent anymore than 5 seconds looking into you! NEXT!!!!

9) "Does he want to take off time to learn in Israel" - Actually I did that already...it was called shana aleph and it took place after high school! As beautiful as it sounds to move to Israel for a year after marriage to "learn and grow together" some people need to get a job and don't have the luxury of parents or in-laws that want to sponsor their marriage until the newlyweds decide to get their act together!

10) "He has too many friends" - I kid you not! Someone said they weren't interested in dating me because I have too many friends! I never realized that having friends would hurt me! Is being socially awkward what the Stern girls are looking for now? Maybe it is! Social awkwardness and being boring seem to be the two most appealing things on Sternies shidduch wish list.

To conclude: I feel the overall themes of these rejections were the lack of honesty and the inability to be in tune with reality! If you aren't into my look because I wear jeans or work out, than just say so! If you don't like the fact that I'm driven enough to get a job and make a parnasa than I'm cool with that! If minayn 3x a day and an evening chevrusa just don't cut it than please just be honest – you are looking to marry a kollenic and want to move to Bnai Brak, not a YU graduate! If the fact that I am in tune with reality bothers you, then maybe you need to be honest with yourself and hold off on dating until you come back to the real world! In the meantime, the only excuse that I have ever taken as being valid consists of only two words: "I'm married!"

In Shabbos. Success!

Fresh off some angry spewing in the comments to Joeys post, I am going to be really brief here. This post is the cigarette to the sex of my angry comments.

I'd like to thank everyone who came for meals, and everyone who helped with the cooking, sous chef werd, deliroller extraordinaire Joey, Quertis Feld for the outstanding charbecue chicken, and Tara Feld for the always delicious Tara cookies.

Thanks.

with strong emotions of kindness and good will,

-dale

Linda Richman

15 Washington Terrace is neither a president nor a terrace.

Talk amongst ya'selves.

lack of creativity

My reason for not posting until now has been a simple one. I am embarrassed to put up postings with the most uncreative name on this blog. Come on my own name, its pretty pathetic that I can't think of anything else to use, so I decided not to write until something better was thought of. That may never happen though and instead of not having a voice in the extremely popular and fast growing blog of ours I decided to suck it up and just write.
I have come to the very unoriginal conclusion (see a general theme starting to develop here) that planet Earth and our entire existence is just the project of an alien species. Though this idea has been brought up before by Douglas Adams in his book The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy and also by Scientology, though in a totally different way, I have come to my own conclusions about the issue.
I was walking with Capital Punshier on my way to the other side of the Heights today and we were struck by the odd realization that even though the sun was out and shinning and there was not a cloud in the sky but it was freezing cold and we were confused by this. Yeah its winter and the Earth tilts on its axis away from the sun but the sun is still shinning and we are still getting its rays on our planet's surface (if we weren't there would be total darkness) so it raised to question of why does it get so cold.? I put both puncutation marks there because I am unsure which one to use. Anyway...so I came to the only logical conclusion which is that someone or something has turned on a giant airconditioner, which then lead me to think that there must be something else out there and the next thing you know there is a light bulb going off in my head and it hit me: We were put here by aliens for whom we are nothing more than either a science experiment or pets (either or you can choose for yourself which idea sits more comfortably with you).


ps feel free to send in ideas of possible user names

Review of Burn After Reading

Part of the Coen Brothers' genius is their versatility. They can take any seemingly hackneyed genre--film noir, dark comedy, cat-and-mouse drama--and add their own unique touch to make it instantly recognizable as their own brand. Continuing in the proud tradition of Fargo, Burn After Reading is a dark comedy filled with quirky characters, great yet goofy acting, and some unexpected murders. John Malkovich ("What the fuck?") plays the down-on-his-luck, pretentious protaganist to perfection. Never before has a guy so intent on writing a memoir that nobody will ever read been so lovable. His parts must have been written with him in mind. Brad Pitt also gives one of his best performances as the obtuse personal trainer who steals J-Malk's memoir, thus setting in action all the convoluted plot points that the movie revolves around. If you liked The Big Lebowski, you'll love Burn After Reading. Also, No Country for Old Men gets better every time I watch clips on YouTube. The villain was really messed up, yet easy to relate to. I can't think of a creepier hitman or serial killer. He didn't even need shtick, like a mask or a cool way to kill people. His naturally awesome creepiness was his shtick. Not many killers can pull that off. Also, you try writing a movie that maintains its suspense the whole time without any music. Quentin Tarantino's head would explode if he tried to do that.

Courtesy: The lost virtue...

[Note: Do to popular demand I will post my previous rant. I was pretty annoyed when I originally wrote this. I am no longer so annoyed, so please don't take this too personally.]

As we embark on another great new year I find myself doing a lot of thinking. I think about life, the shidduch crisis, the economy, bowel movements, karate, Torah, Peru Revu, Zimilover, chiseled abs, and probably many other things that I shouldn't write on this blog. One thing in particular that I've been pondering about is the attribute of being courteous. I find that living in NY tends to cause people to forget about this very important character trait. It is for this reason that I believe that it is important to breakdown what it means to be a courteous gentleman and to contrast it by what it means to be an inconsiderate buchur.Courteous Gentleman: Having a few chums over to watch TV (at a moderate volume) while munching on chips and salsa with a soft drink.Inconsiderate Buchur: Inviting the entire girls soccer team over to smooch, shtup, grind and get jiggy with until after 3am, while getting totally wasted and smoking hooka to ensure that the apartment smells like an anus the following morning.Courteous Gentleman: Playing some tunes at a moderate volume until apartment mates go to sleep and then switching to head phone in order not to disturb them.Inconsiderate Buchur: Playing loud (and bad) thumping music at full volume until 3am when certain apartment mates need to wake up for minyan, class, or study sessions the next day.Courteous Gentleman: When asked by apartment mate to turn off the loud music at 3am, fellow apartment mate responds: "Absolutely, kind sir. I sincerely apologize if I have caused gezel shayna and would be happy to make it up to you by making a donation to your favorite charity on your behalf."Inconsiderate Buchur: When asked by apartment mate to turn off loud music at 3am, fellow apartment mate responds: "Dude, their are like 4 girls dancing on my bed. C'mon man." Translation - "Dude, their are 4 drunk skanks on my bed that I want to shtupp and I think this loud unpleasant thumping music entices them to want to have biah with me. Let me be inconsiderate just until I get some action. Now get the eff out of my room and close the door on your way out."As we embark on a year that will surely be filled with much hatzlacha, bracha, and nachas for all of Klal Yisroel, it is important that we try to go through life as the considerate gentleman and not the inconsiderate Buchur. It is my hope and my prayer that we are all zoche to much mazal in the coming year and may we all be zoche to build a bais ne'eman bisyroel in the near future....AMEN!

wtf?

anyone notice we're over 2,000 hits? is that some sort of turn-of-the-year glitch or are we just even awesomer than we thought?